An Occasional Digest
Two years ago I got a puppy: a German wirehaired pointer. I wanted to bring him up right. Ultimately, I wanted to raise the dog I’ve been wishing for since I was a kid. Now two years in, I’d like …
Before you decide that “kindness teaches best” is some kind of frufru, no-accountability form of permissive parenting, hold on a second.
We’ve got this notion that people — kids, especially — need to suffer a little bit when they do something wrong, so that next time, they’ll think, “Last time I suffered. I don’t think I’ll do that again.”
Did you say yes to your kid? Did you say no? Whatever you said, if you don’t follow through, you’re demonstrating that your words don’t mean much and they can predictably tune you out.
Your kids have to accommodate your needs and wishes, because your needs and wishes matter, true. That’ll work best if you get in the habit of saying yes to them.
Kids’ needs and wishes matter. Their creativity, their malleability, their resilience, their openness — those aspects of their character matter, a lot.
I see family life as a game. There are rules. There’s also an objective: having as nice a time as possible while making sure everyone’s needs get met.
Let’s get clear. In different situations, different rules prevail. You take your shoes off in one person’s house; at someone’s else, you don’t.
Lately I’ve been wanting to write about parenting. I really like the Positive Discipline approach, which pretty much saved me about a decade ago when I was moving to France to be a nanny with no prior childcare experience. Three months …